Dear reader,I'm a TV (transvestite) from Amsterdam, Holland. I was born on august 16, 1972, and this is my story...
I really don't know why I like to dress, I just do. I have been dressing since I was a little kid, borrowing my younger sister's stuff when I was home alone. I never got caught wearing a dress or someting, but I sure came close to discovery a few times. For years I dressed in secret, building up a small collection of my own clothes. I got very isolated from my family, scared anyone would find out my weird desires.
When I still lived with my parents, my mom used to clean up our rooms and one day she found my secret stack of clothes and magazines. A few days later I had a pretty heavy talk with both my parents about it. Actually I was very relieved afterwards, since I had expected my dad to become very mad at me. Of course he was not happy with it (I guess he didn't really understand, 'cause the image of TV's on television is a bit twisted), but he suggested to take me to a support group in Amsterdam.
Of course I was very nervous that first time getting dressed and get out in the open. I didn't even have clothes to go out with, let alone make-up and a wig. I was lucky my mom wanted to help me get some things I needed and I bought my first wig at a partystore (it was a black bobline wig with silver strokes, and very synthetic and very itchy). Most people were nice to me that first night and I met Tania then too. She helped me a lot with my coming out and was very helpfull with tips about make-up and where to go next. In a lot of ways she was like a second mother to me, she undersood me better than my real mom sometimes, esspecially on gender issues.
After a few times going to the NVSH meetings someone gave me a flyer for a female impersonator, Coco Coquette who would perform at a small drag bar, Secret (later renamed De Biecht). It was much more in the open an a little more exciting than the closed community the NVSH was, so I decided to go to Secret more often. I was using the name Gina then, but after i bought my long red wig I changed it to Sasha. Secret had just a small group of people coming there every sunday (about 8), but I got the feeling that it also was a very supportive and close group. I used to go there a lot, dress in the kitchen of the bar, come out, talk, have fun and then change back in the kitchen again at the end of the evening.
At that time the T&T (Transvestite and Transsexual) evenings in De Biecht were hosted by a Drag Queen named Desirée, but she wanted to have her own bar, not just have one night a week. After like two years Desirée finally found her bar, near the Rembrandtplein, the gay area of Amsterdam. On november 22, 1997 the Lellebel finally opened and I used to go there almost every weekend.
Later on there were a few big events I attended as Sasha, like the 1998 Gay Games, were I floated along on the anual canal parade (first saturday of august each year),halloween and I have been on Dutch television a few times! I even went to my cousin's wedding (she's a lesbian and married her girlfriend) as Sasha in 1999. That was my first real coming out to my family but everybody is very nice and supportive about it. I do realize I'm very lucky my family accepts me as I am. Oh yes, on august 20, 2000 i finally won my very first beauty pageant, I'm officially "Queen of the Zeedijk" (Amsterdam) now or, since the theme that year was hotpants, "Miss Hotpants 2000"!
As for the Internet, I met some very nice people on there too, like Karen from London. Karen an I have met a few times in Amsterdam and I care about her a lot. I see a lot of myself in her when I was her age. She has a very special place in my heart. I don't think i'm a transsexual myself, although I can feel very feminine sometimes. I enjoy being a guy too. Maybe I can compare the feeling the best with the feeling of going on vacation; its great to go on vacation, and you can have a lot of fun there, but its also nice to come home after a wile and go on with your normal life.
I now have a cupboard full of pretty clothes that would turn any teenage girl green with envy and more make-up any girl will ever need. I even have the male/female symbol tattood on my left arm. My livingroom is also the home of a bunch of stuffed animals, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It's just who I am. I like to have always a little bit of Sasha around me.
After a few years I stepped out of the TV scene completely because I wanted to do something different. I tried the lesbian scene, the gay scene and the fetish scene, but it never felt right, it just didn't fit. After I met Isabelle we went to Club Vegas (Warmoestraat) almost every sunday night. We always had a great time there with surprises and a new band every week. They also had the best cocktails ever (Ocean's Eleven & Dean Martini). Unfortunately the girl who ran Club Vegas moved back to Australia...
Right now I'm very much into the goth scene and I must say that I never felt home like this ever before. It is a very young, but also very open and creative scene. For the first time I even have friends I see outside of just going out and that feels great. I couldn't imagine my life without Isabelle, Erika, Alex and all the other wonderfull people I met in the past two years. Alex makes beautiful clothing, AnnaKonda makes great wigs and Anahita is such a sweetheart. We went to so many different parties together; Ball du Masque, Epicentre, Cyberia, Gothoord, Amora, WGT, Summer Darkness etc. and every party is a little different but still feels familiar because of the people. It really feels like a warm blanket. Early 2006 I became a lot closer with Alex, she's one of my closest friends now and she has probably seen more of the real me than anybody else. I can't imagine stepping out of the goth scene now because I think we have built our own little place there.
Best wishes,
Hobbies: Drawing, watching movies, reading, running with scissors and of course dressing up
Likes: cute girls and T-girls, shopping, going out lots, my cat Snowball (of course)
Dislikes: horny men, narrow minded people, soccer (bleh)
Favorite Movies: Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Sleepy Hollow, Wigstock, Ed Wood
Favorite Television: the Simpsons, Futurama, Seinfeld, the X-Files, Sex and the City
Favorite Books: A Series of Unfortunate Events, Weird NJ, Animation art books
Favorite Music: Marilyn Manson, Pink, Christina Aguilera, Rent
